Why My Xbox is Better Than Any Guy I Have Ever Dated
Article by: Roxy Lee
First and foremost let me be frank (it is after all an amazing name); I do not mean to offend any man or woman by writing this article. I must say that some of you are actually very decent, very kind and amazingly awesome guys and girls and I am sure you could make me and other women/men very happy. This article, however, is directed solely towards the personal experiences I myself have found myself in, and of course they are called EX boyfriends for a reason.
I look back on all my past relationships and one thing has always remained constant. My Xbox. Guys have come and gone yet my Xbox has stood tall and held its ground. My Xbox has seen break up after break up and been there for the best and worst of times. My Xbox helped me through crisis upon crisis and never once complained. If I could find a man like my Xbox I think I would be an extremely happy woman. I could go on in essay format on why my Xbox would prove a better mate than any actual man, but I would prefer to do it in point form.
Mainly because I am lazy, and it looks way cooler.
# 10: My Xbox never strays-
My Xbox stays exactly where I put it last. If I want my Xbox to accompany me places I simply bring it with me. If I wish to go out on my own my Xbox stays at home and waits until I get back. My Xbox will stay anywhere I want it to and not say one word about it.
#9: My Xbox can be easily fixed-
My Xbox has had its issues do not get me wrong, either the connection is lost, or I cannot be heard by my team or my modem has a firewall (DAMN YOU BELL). But the thing about it is, when my Xbox has an issue I can simply go onto the website and there right in front of me in a couple clicks is a step by step process on how to fix it. It doesn’t just stop working, or give up, or make my life a living hell because I am not psychic, it lays it all out there for me. Then we are happy and in harmony once again.
#8: My Xbox likes variety-
Now and then I like to spice it up; you know keep the spark alive. I like to keep things interesting and my Xbox is always up for that. My Xbox doesn’t just play video games, oh no. My Xbox also plays music, and movies and can search the internet or get me on facebook, I can put pictures on it and also download content. My Xbox is always up for something new and exciting and every night is definitely a new adventure for us.
#7: My Xbox has simple controls-
Ever gotten into a relationship with someone where every single thing is out of left field and it leaves you thinking “How the hell do I respond to this?” Yes, I have been there and I bet a lot of you have. Well, my Xbox has a very simple, very well laid out controller that is easy to handle, smooth and basically lays it all out there on the table when you first start playing. There are no surprises! Everything is right in front of you. Press A to jump, means press A to jump, not press right trigger plus A while rotating the joystick and shaking the controller. WTF!
#6: My Xbox is NEVER needy-
The one thing I hate above all is neediness. When someone needs and has to see you every hour of every day. Or hear your voice. Or know you are breathing. My Xbox on the other hand, gives me breathing room. My Xbox gives me the space I need. It lets me go out with my friends, or go to work, or just have my privacy and it never complains or tells me it feels like we are “Drifting apart”. My Xbox knows that once I turn it off I will always come back to it at some point to show it some love.
#5: My Xbox loves a little MULTIPLAYER every now and then-
Need I say more.....?
#4: My Xbox never gets jealous-
Do not get me wrong, a little jealousy is both perfectly acceptable and widely accepted at times. It is a sign of being cared about or knowing your significant other thinks you are that hot that every other person wants them! But then again jealousy is also a raging and ugly biotch. My Xbox never ever gets mad when I browse the game section. It never starts to cry when I decide I want to take a peek at a new game in the midst of playing another one. My Xbox knows I am only human and my eyes do wander at times when something looks amazing, its only human nature. But it also knows I would never ever stray and play two games at once. And I always finish the first before even remotely getting into the second.
#3: My Xbox is easily turned on-
Why this is even an issue is beyond me. But it has been. It is possibly the worst case scenario for me, yet it seems sometimes that an extra bit of something is needed to get my guy into the mood. I don’t think it should be a challenge to want your bf to want to be with you sexually but it happens to the best of us. My Xbox though, NEVER an issue. Not once have I tried to turn my Xbox on and failed, not once have I had to work to push its power button, and never once has my Xbox ever shut down on me midst playing. It stays turned on until I am good and satisfied and hardly ever lags or freezes, and even when it does it is up and running again in less than 5 minutes.
#2: My Xbox loves meeting my friends and family-
I myself love meeting my significant others friends and family. But I know a few guys and have dated a lot who had an issue with this. Friends and family are quite possibly the most important people in my life and I would like to think the guy I am with respects this. My Xbox LOVES meeting my friends and family. It loves to have fun with them and share memories and enjoy time with them, it has brought us joy as a whole and we can all get along and laugh together. My Xbox is the life of the party and has always gotten along with anyone it has ever met. My Xbox is a people person!
And finally the number one reason why my Xbox is better than any guy I have ever dated is;
#1: My Xbox is easily replaced-
I know I know, it sounds harsh but hear me out before saying I am an evil cow, or a bitter female. I love men, I think they are great. I think a lot of them have so much to offer and give every single one a fighting chance. But In all seriousness, every guy I have dated in the past has had a reason to end up on the ex list. I haven’t had very many happy endings in my relationships. My Xbox, thank god, has not red ringed yet, it is still going strong, and we are still sharing many happy memories together. It is always there for me when I need it most, and I turn to it in times of sorrow and excitement. But god forbid that day ever does come when that red ring happens and I am left in a total and utter state of despair. I will know in the back of my mind that we had a good 6 year run together. So much time has passed and I do not regret a thing. I will always look back on our relationship as a happy one, and always smile knowing it made my life better and more complete. How many relationships can you say that about? And I know that I will move on, it will be tough and tears will be shed (mainly over price) But I know I can always walk to any EB Games, Wal-Mart, Future Shop etc and easily pick up another one and learn to love that one just as much, maybe more! There are plenty of Xbox’s in the sea... or store.
So there you have it folks! My top ten list. I hope you enjoyed reading it and found yourself relating to 3 or more of these. I stand my ground, and I know just as much as I ask these qualities in a partner I know I should have them too. And I am sure there are guys or gals out there wanting to make their own reasons why their Xbox is better than their significant other. Sorry I beat you to it. ;)
One day I will find a guy and he will take the ever loving role of my Xbox. Actually you know what; scratch that, no guy could ever replace my Xbox. Our relationship is one for the ages.
ROXY+XBOX = <3 4 EVA
*Disclaimer: This is from my own personal experiences and opinions, it is NOT meant to be taken as offensive towards any sex or sexuality. I know a lot of men (and women) who are exceptions to all of these and I am certain I will meet plenty more.*
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June 16 2012